I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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