A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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