You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
