Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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