Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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