I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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