My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
