I'm jealous of your bromance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
