There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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