Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
