they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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