I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
