My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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