Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!