i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.