sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
