if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
