In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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