we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
