So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
