Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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