The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
