I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't deserve a penis
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
