..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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