You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They have beer where we have blood.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
