Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
