3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
