i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
