With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wish there were birth control emojis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
