For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
