Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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