Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
