I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
