just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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