oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
being pregnant is like rehab
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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