tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if only i could text you this smell
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
