That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
