Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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