are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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