I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
