Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize