Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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