Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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