He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
