When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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