How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you made out with another girl for some wings
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
