He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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