FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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