her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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