I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize