Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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