He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
