Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
