I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
