Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
