pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All the doctor said was why
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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