dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
