What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
