oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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