Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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