i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
