you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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