At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
