oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The uberlube is also flammable
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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