it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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