I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
