My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
