I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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