Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
