bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
