I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
