It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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