I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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