I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
