He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
