My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
cat food counts as protein by the way
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize