Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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