I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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