at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
