i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
