I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
