If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
