Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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