You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
