I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
