Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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